Beyond Eighteen
by Jim Carnival
Summary: Nobisuke finally accepts that Suneki has no interest in him, and moves on to a different pursuit. Unfortunately, Suneo never understands whether Nobisuke's declaration of "I'm legal" is a bribe or a threat. ჯ One-shot. Adult!Nobisuke/Suneki. One-sided Nobisuke/Suneo.


**Note: **I'm like 90% sure that Nobisuke's "hot teacher"-type crush on Suneki's dad would last far beyond childhood. Nobisuke still has a bigger, nastier crush on Suneki, but a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Also, I think Suneki's sass would only get worse with age. As a kid, he restrains himself somewhat to be polite, but as an adult? Entity of sass and smart-aleck.

* * *

"So, Suneki . . . when do you think you'll have an afternoon free?"

Nobisuke hooked his arm over the back of the chair. With a smile like a hungry possum's, he tossed his head to flip back his bangs and raised his eyebrows in expectancy.

"Let me see," Suneki said. He flattened his palm in front of his face to refer to an imaginary calendar. "When will I have a free afternoon? To spend with you, I assume?" He skimmed the finger of his other hand down his palm. "Ah. Here we go. Never."

Nobisuke's smile fell flat. He recovered after a moment, cranking up his swagger. He leaned forward and twisted to sit sideways in the chair. His grin widening, he pushed his heel over the carpet until the side of his foot brushed Suneki's. As if he were as innocent as a new angel, he hummed, looked away, and began to rub his foot against the side of Suneki's leg. Suneki stared at the wall hollowly.

"C'mon, Suneki." Nobisuke raised his leg higher until his foot touched Suneki's knee. He rubbed with more persistence until his toe snagged the hem of Suneki's shorts.

"You gotta have time to do something with me sometime. Or"––Nobisuke's glare turned venomous––"are you just making excuses?"

"Would I ever do that?" Suneki drawled. He reached under the table to shove Nobisuke's foot away. Nobisuke's heel collided with the floor with a solid thump, after which Nobisuke hissed and scrunched up like a startled turtle. After recovering, he snarled at Suneki. His eyes were hot and sparked like live coals.

Suneki sighed. "Nobisuke, we're not little kids anymore. You've had plenty of time to figure things out. You can't force people to spend time with you, y'know? And," he added, "you can't force people to go out with you, either. It doesn't take a genius to know that 'no' is _no._"

Nobisuke slumped as though he had just been clocked on the back of his head. He sagged low in his chair, deflating with a loud, drawn-out groan. "So you really think that's the whole problem? I think you're being a selfish brat."

"A selfish brat?" Suneki repeated as though the words were alien. He screwed his face into a dubious scowl. "Why would you say that?"

"Because you are," Nobisuke said. He sulked. "You always blow me off, even after all this time. Ever since we were kids I've wanted to take you out. I've always wanted to; you've been a bigger challenge than anyone else. If I could score just _one _date with you, every girl at college would be so jealous they couldn't stand it. But as much of a catch as you are, you waste it all by never going out with anyone? Never going out with me, even though you never have anything better to do?" He scoffed and squeezed his arms tighter over his chest. "Sounds pretty selfish to me."

Suneki watched Nobisuke in disbelief for a long time. The only sound was the steady ticking of the clock over the doorway. At last, Suneki shook his head. His hoop earrings sent little spots of light shimmering through the room.

"I could say the same exact thing to you."

Nobisuke cast a withering glare sideways.

"We're twenty-two now, Nobisuke. Adults. It's one thing to have always chased me down like an idiot when we were kids. But now it's just disgusting. You're not going to wear me down or make me change my mind. I don't care what you think of me. I'm not interested in you like that. You're my friend, sure. But I'd rather eat hot desert sand for the rest of my life than go out with you."

"You've always been direct, haven't you?" Nobisuke said snidely. He huffed. "You've never even given me a chance."

"True. I haven't you given _a_ chance. More like a million." Suneki shrugged, leaned back primly, and with his eyes closed laced his hands on his lap. Far too casually, he said, "You're not going to make me reconsider, Nobisuke. I just don't like you."

Nobisuke stayed with his arms folded over his front, sunk low in his chair. He pouted, his half-shut eyes fixed on the wall. He remained that way for a long time, before finally giving a puff of a humorless laugh that never brought along a smile.

"Ouch," Nobisuke said. He turned his head to gaze up at Suneki. He swiped his finger over his heart in an _X._ "I'll need stitches after that. Way to be subtle, Kiki."

Suneki didn't bother to admonish Nobisuke for the nickname. He watched him with the faintest shadow of pity festering just above his stomach. Whenever Nobisuke shifted from argumentative to joking, Suneki knew that his words had hit their mark. Nobisuke never had liked to show any glints of weakness.

"Come on, Nobisuke," Suneki said, more gently than before. "It's not completely you. I mean, I wouldn't date you even if I were the most town-traveling person on earth. But I've never wanted to be with _anyone_. You know that's not my thing. And if you really did care about me, you'd actually listen and stop bothering me when I tell you that."

"Sure," Nobisuke said. He sighed, then looked longingly at Suneki. His tired gaze swept up and down, examining with a tired sort of interest. Suneki scowled and pulled his jacket tighter around his shoulders.

"It's a selfish crying shame you want to keep to yourself," Nobisuke said. "And I'll never be okay with that. In fact, I think it's stupid and greedy. But," he added before Suneki could protest, "if there's really not ever going to be a chance . . . ."

"We've discussed this at least two thousand times. There's not a chance and there never will be."

Nobisuke slumped, as if burdened by the weight of rejection. "Right. Right. If there's never going to be a chance, I guess that frees me up to check out other people, doesn't it?"

"Really?" Suneki blinked and recoiled as if struck. "Just like"––he snapped his fingers––"like that? You'll actually stop bugging me to date you and hunt down someone else? Just like _that?_"

"Sure." Nobisuke folded his arms behind his neck and leaned back, tipping the chair onto its rear legs. "Why should I miss out on good times just because you're a deadpan mannequin who doesn't like fun? I'm not going to lose any chances because of someone like you. I might have liked you since as long as I can remember and all, but a _no_ from you isn't going to break me down, I hope you know. Not all that much was riding on it. You're not _that_ important to me."

Suneki looked down at his lap. A faint ghost of a smile slid over his face, creasing the bottoms of his eyes. He rubbed his thumbs together in little circles.

"You know, I never thought I'd be grateful to hear something like that." He raised his head, then turned to Nobisuke. He tilted his head until his hair ruffled in soft spikes against his cheek. "I never would have guessed you'd actually give it up."

"Shut up," Nobisuke said. He looked at the ceiling. His cheek bulged when he nudged his tongue into it. "So . . . really, you won't be upset if I try for other people? Like . . . it's okay with you? I have your permission?"

Suneki started in surprise. He squinted at Nobisuke as if expecting a prank, a retraction, a practical joke of some sort.

"Why would you ask permission from me?" he said, the words slow and thick with confusion. "You always do whatever you want to anyway." He paused. A sneer tugged up one half of his mouth. "Of course you have my permission. By all means. Go hook up with Giachibi's cousin if it'll get you away from me. I don't care whose back pockets you chase, as long as they're not mine."

As if he had just gotten a royal decree of acceptance from a king, Nobisuke straightened. His grin stretched so far across his face it nearly split his cheeks, turning them red with excitement. "Really? You're fine with it?"

When Suneki nodded, Nobisuke swung his legs off the chair and scooted off it. His pants legs squeaked as they pulled over the wooden seat. He adjusted the lapels of his jacket with a jerk, crammed the wrinkled tail of his shirt into his jeans, and bolted down the hall.

Suneki propped his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands to stifle a moan. "God help whatever poor stupid idiot he targets next."

After a moment of silence, Suneki sighed. He crossed his legs, settled in the chair, and tugged a magazine from the rack before thumbing through it. The soft light from the lamp and the clinking of his father washing dishes created a pleasant ambiance. Suneki enjoyed it, relaxing while skimming an article about overpopulation of venomous snakes.

A china plate banged as though someone had slammed it into a counter. "What did you just say?"

Suneki jolted at the unexpected sound of Suneo's voice, almost losing his grip on his magazine.

"Absolutely not." Suneo's voice sounded a pitch higher and strained. _"_Abso_lute_ly not. You've been at it long enough. Don't even think about it. There is no way, Nobisuke."

Suneki felt his heart plummet into his heels. His fingers numbed until they were icy. He cast the magazine aside, vaulted off the chair, and darted for the kitchen. He clung to the door frame and balanced on his tiptoes, swaying a bit. When he leaned in, his mouth went dry as cardboard.

Nobisuke stood propped against the wall, his ankles crossed. One hand sagged in the pocket of his jacket. His expression would have fit perfectly on the face of a used car salesman preparing to deliver a monologue on the qualities of a Reliant Robin. Nobisuke looked down at Suneo, and somehow seemed taller than ever.

"Come on, Mr. H. Think about it. You're single. You've known me forever. Why not just one time? I'll take you to dinner. Two courses, plus dessert, on me. You don't even have to call it a date. It'll be fun."

Suneo snapped off his rubber gloves, bunched them in his fist, and pressed his knuckles against his hip. He stood square in front of Nobisuke, his feet apart as he bent forward in a way that was almost threatening.

"I'm not going _anywhere_ with you. I wouldn't get a pizza with you. I know I'm single and good-looking, and of course you'd want to have me hanging onto your elbow, but I'll get a heatstroke in Antarctica before I'm caught at dinner with you." He paused, then barged on: "Why am I even arguing? There's not even a chance. I'm forty-two, and you're just a kid."

Armed with this defense, Suneo looked as content and satisfied as a cat full of cream. He locked his arms over his chest and tipped back his head in self-righteous victory.

Nobisuke, however, was unfazed by this harangue. He surveyed Suneo with interest, twisting his fist in his pocket. All at once, he seemed smug, as though he were savoring information that nobody else had.

"You know, Mr. H," he said in a musing way, "I _am _legal."

Suneo's smile dropped. The impact was almost audible. All the color drained from his cheeks and down his collar until he was pale as an egg. He swallowed.

Nobisuke waited. His eyebrows crept higher up his forehead before settling over his eyes in a mooning sort of way.

"I"––Suneo stuttered like a shy fourth-grader in a school play––"I, well, that's––that's no excuse, you––"

Nobisuke's smirk went lopsided. He popped his fist from his pocket and held up two fingers. "Le-gal."

"I don't care!" Suneo's composure unraveled like a spool of yarn. He windmilled his arms through the air in exasperation. "I wouldn't care if you were a hundred and two. It's––it's the principle of things. I've known you since you were a baby, Nobisuke, I was there when your mother was in the hospital to have you. I've tolerated you constantly pestering me and Suneki about things, but that was before I knew you were serious!"

Nobisuke pretended to examine his cuffs, as if Suneo's panicked shouting held no more importance than that of a mosquito buzzing. He looked up just long enough to say, "Legal."

"Nobisuke Nobi, that's quite enough nonsense! I don't want to hear another word!"

Nobisuke's black eyes shone from behind his bangs. His smile oozed over his face like warm molasses in July.

Suneo helped himself to several steps backward, retreating until his back bumped against the wall. When his shoulders struck the plaster, he lost his breath and staggered a bit. Without thinking, Suneki shot from his hiding place, flounced behind Suneo and flung his arms around his middle to hold him steady. At the unexpected contact, Suneo yelped and went rigid as a flagpole.

"Calm down, Papa," Suneki said. At the sound of Nobisuke's amused snickering, he winced. The thought of his father being forced to endure Nobisuke's roving gazes and sly comments made his blood turn to cold jelly. On impulse, Suneki draped his arm around Suneo's shoulders in a vaguely protective gesture, drew him closer to his side, and scowled at Nobisuke.

"Nobisuke is definitely not serious," Suneki said. Nobisuke snapped back in surprise, his eyes widening like kettle lids. Suneki continued, "He'd never really try to make you do anything gross like go out with him. Even he's not that stupid."

Nobisuke didn't even manage to protest.

"Are you sure?" Suneo's attention shifted from Nobisuke to Suneki and back. Suspicion made him leer. "Is this some kind of joke?" When he turned to Suneki, he became all at once pleading. "Don't tell me you're in on this, Suneki, I swear I'll––"

"Oh, Papa. I wouldn't do that." When Suneo averted his gaze, Suneki deepened his scowl and mouthed, "You better play along." Nobisuke stiffened like new leather.

Suneki bent closer to Suneo and rested his cheek against the top of his head. "Nobisuke's terrible, I know. And he's rude, and stupid, and selfish, but you don't have to worry about him actually being into you. He's just kidding. Right, Nobisuke?"

Whether stricken by a sudden streak of malice, or nudged by a devil, Nobisuke drew back haughtily and thrust his hands deeper into his pockets. "Kidding? Who says I'm just ki––"

A stab of panic drove white-hot into Suneki's gut. Sweat scorched his palms. _He wouldn't. There's no way he'd try to make things worse after I'm trying to get him out of trouble. There's no––this is Nobisuke. Of course there is!_

"Nobisuke would never come onto you, Pop," Suneki blurted, the words rushing out in a gluey tangle. "He wouldn't; he's supposed to save that for only me!"

One could have heard a cotton wad hit the linoleum. Nobisuke stared. His jaw hung open like a limp puppet's. Suneo jerked his head to the side so fast that vertebrae cracked. Both he and Nobisuke watched Suneki as though he were a specimen on display.

Suneki held his breath. Had he been younger, perhaps he would have been less embarrassed by how a sudden rush of tears turned his eyes into puddles. He gulped back the scratchiness in his throat and tried to ignore how his face burned.

"Um . . . yeah," he said, merely to break the silence. He tensed; his voice had turned husky. Nobisuke leaned forward in interest, as intent as a hound listening for the rustling of a rabbit in a field. Suneki struggled to explain:

"I mean, um, Nobisuke is . . . loyal. He wouldn't really dump hitting on me for you, Papa, not after this long. In fact"––Suneki choked back the bile that scalded his throat and soured the back of his tongue––"Nobisuke was just telling me how much he likes my . . . my company. So he'd never turn around and start on you. He's awful, but he's above that."

Suneo squinted at Nobisuke for a long time. Finally, he ducked his head, took Suneki's hand, and lifted his arm from around his shoulders.

"I should have assumed as much. But I can never tell with Nobisuke." Suneo sniffed in disdain and stepped away to whisk the wrinkles from his vest. "People don't change easily. But if either of you ever pull a joke like that again, I'll call Nobita in a heartbeat. I've put up with enough of one Nobi in my lifetime to have to worry about another."

"Oh, you don't have to worry," Nobisuke said, having made a prompt and full recovery. "I won't be asking favors from you any time soon." He worked his mouth into a sly, foxlike grin. "I have everything I need."

Suneki turned on his heel and surged out of the kitchen to deposit himself on the sofa before his knees buckled. Before he could swing into the parlor, however, a cool shadow washed over him. Suneki's heart turned to mush behind his ribs. Fingers knotted in his shirt, and the fist clutched at his collar to haul him back. Suneki choked as Nobisuke dragged him closer, and froze solid when a burly arm hooked like a vise around his neck.

"So, what was that you were saying?" Nobisuke said. He hummed while he jostled Suneki. "I save what for you, exactly?"

"Shut up." Suneki pried Nobisuke's arm off his shoulders. "When you told me that you were going to chase other people, I didn't know you meant my _dad_. I wouldn't ever want Papa to be as embarrassed by things you say as I am. If I ever had to see him crammed in a booth with you at a restaurant––or you trying to lay one finger on him––I think I'd die. You can do whatever you want to me, but don't you dare _ever_ touch my dad."

Having delivered himself of this, Suneki stood, breathing heavily. He swept away the pieces of hair that dangled in front of his face and lowered his fist until it pressed against his leg.

For some reason, Nobisuke didn't seem intimidated or frightened or even remorseful. His eyes were half-shut, glinting with subdued mischief.

"Was that an invitation or an offer?" Nobisuke said. He raised an eyebrow.

All at once, Suneki realized his blunder. His throat closed.

"Because if it's neither," Nobisuke continued, "Mr. H is still in the kitchen." He pinched his fingers together in the air.

Suneki struggled to maintain composure as he stammered, "Call it a––a compromise."

Nobisuke shrugged. "Works for me." His smirk cut deeper into his face. "You know, that offer of dinner and dessert still stands."

"Thanks, that's just great. Wonderful." Suneki slouched and heaved a deep breath, nearly deflating. A minute of silent lamenting passed before he said quietly, "Are you still paying? I'll consider as long as you give me the same courtesy you were going to give Papa."

Nobisuke thought this over. "Well, I guess I'll still pay, but––"

"I meant the thing about us not even having to call it a date."

"O-h-h." Nobisuke scrubbed the crook of his forefinger under his chin as he ruminated this option. "Well, if it means you'll go out with me, I don't care what we call it. Call it a circus for all I care."

Suneki stared at him, unimpressed. He folded his arms and settled his weight on one foot.

"Oh, fine," Nobisuke said. He dug out his wallet, flipped it open, and thumbed through the thin stack of bills. "What if I said I'd take you to that new French cuisine restaurant uptown?"

"And we're not calling it a date?"

"Unless you want to."

Suneki snorted. "Yeah, that's not happening. Give me five minutes and I'll be ready." He turned to the stairwell and began to mount the bottom step, before freezing in place. He directed his attention to Nobisuke once again.

"I'm only doing this for a free meal, I hope you know."

Nobisuke shrugged, spreading his arms wide. "Hey, that's fine with me. A date's a date."

Suneki watched him for a moment, and finally continued his ascent up the stairs. The floor creaked, and a door slammed. Nobisuke stood rooted to the ground for only an instant before sifting from his blissful reverie. He cast a glance down the hall, then another furtive one at the stairs.

It would be awhile before Suneki was ready. Nobisuke knew of one way at least in which to pass the time. In increments, he began to edge toward the kitchen.

"Oh, Mr. H!"

* * *

**Note: **Nobisuke is grossness incarnate. But an incorrigible bird-chaser? Sounds familiar, no?


End file.
